Well, I finally did it. After all this time, I went to a tournament and won 1st in sparring against someone other than my own school. It's not because of my fighting ability, but rather my personality. On Saturday, I actually had a coach. Coach made me focus on doing my best, on winning, instead of just going out there and playing Karate.
I learned that it's okay not to hold back because I am worried about hurting someone. I still need to use control, but what my coach kept telling me is that they knew what they were signing up for in the beginning. No one joins Karate so that they won't get hit. Coach had me focus before the match, not talking to anyone like I normally do, but rather focus on the match at hand. It was strange to me. Of course, after each fight, I gave them a hug, told them good fight, smiled a lot, and prayed for their healing. It totally disarmed them, and got them smiling and joking around with me.
After watching the video, I won the first match in my first kick. My foot landed into his chest, knocking him out of the ring, convincing him that he did not want to be in the way of my fists or feet. For once, I focused on getting to the target, and constantly hitting it. I was told not to worry about blocking, just get in there first, fast, and to finish what I start. I was told that even if they get a shot into my face, keep focus. In fact, his glove slid across my eye and removed my contact. One of the refs helped me find it, I picked it up and handed it too my wife, and went back into the match with the cheers of "Fight with your other eye!"
The second match was a little harder, the guy was bigger than me; beat me in a contest where we punched a meter to see who punched the hardest. It didn't matter much though. My adrenaline helped me to not feel his punches, as I let fly with my own. My sensei kept yelling at me to use less power, more speed, and it worked. At the end, I ended up with two matches won, and a 1st place medal. Afterward, my opponent remarked that he would prefer to never fight me again.
You see, my wife is an awesome coach. She kept me focused, and let me know that it was okay to fight hard. She kept me in focus, kept me from even considering being afraid. She was there for me the whole time, and continuously called out to me during the fight. I fought for her, more than for victory. I fought for her, because she loves me, because she believes in me. I could have won without her, but the fact is, I didn't have the drive to do it. Thank you Carrie, my love, my wife. Thank you for your constant support, even when my confidence fails. I thank God that He gave you too me. Yes, I will do my best to listen to you in all things from now on.